Guidance

I know it should always be what I do, but this is, more than ever, a season of fasting, of praying, of seeking the Lord on direction for our little family.  Huge steps that need to be taken and nothing that can be done lightly.

I fall into the trap of asking Him to make it easy.  Booming voices, doors that open by themselves, and a smooth leisurely path.  But He doesn't always do that.  For Elijah, there was the wind, earthquake and a fire, yet the Lord was not in any of those things.  Only when the discreet, straining-to-hear whisper came did the Lord reveal Himself (1 Kings 19:8-18).  I find the Lord asking me the same question, "What are you doing here?"

What I'm doing here is having more of my heart revealed.  How I like my comfort, how I like the apparent look of grace upon grace, those things I don't even have to say, you just know by seeing. How my faith in the One who has proven Himself over and over and over and over is still so frustratingly small.  What I'm doing here is trying to painfully grow by letting go.

Yet, my life should be lived by faith, not by sight. Sometimes the path He leads me to won't be lit until I'm all ready walking on it.  Always He is there.  Always He guides me.  His glory, first and foremost, as my rearguard (Is 58:8).

In a dry and weary land, He is my life spring. In a dark and chaotic place, He is my peace.

In seeking Him, I find my deepest desires met.  In humbling myself before Him, I find His will infintely better. 

Life is lived fully before the face of an ever present God (coram deo).  That brings both fear and joy to my awe-trembling heart.  Fear; for He knows the truth even when I say deceptively pleasing things.  Joy; because when I slip, He holds me tight because He all ready saw.

So I learn.  A process, life long this thing is.  I'm grateful for a Father who is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  I'm face-on-the-floor thankful that He doesn't deal with me according to my sins or repay me according to my iniquities (Psalm 103:8).  That He loves me, cherishes me, guides me, holds me, sustains me and delights in me.

Isaiah 58:11 And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places.