Food War

This is an untangling of sorts. A confession of thoughts from the past year that recently hit home.

 Food as a struggle now when it never has been.
 I know I’m in the minority with the things I’m about to say below, so raise your eyebrows and move on.


I’ve never struggled with weight, with counting calories, with loving/loathing food. I don’t own a scale and couldn’t tell you what my size is.
I have never had an eating disorder, never felt “guilty” for eating dessert and have never made a resolution to eat better.


I know – with all my “nevers” my pendulum is so far on the other side, my clock isn’t even working properly.



All that said, I’m coming to a place where food is becoming a source of contention; burdensome… Where I feel judged and where I don’t feel joy or enjoyment.



The cares and trials of this world, i.e. the trends, are hitting hard and I’m watching several close to me fall in line with what the world would tell them is good and right.
And it is draining the very joy out of what God tells me to do to his glory.



All too often, the conversations that surround me are about what non-bread tastes most like bread, how your kids shouldn’t have dairy or soy, how caffeine is killing us all and on and on I could go.



We add “free” onto the end of a word as though gluten-free and sugar-free has set this captive free. In reality, it’s only causing us to fall back into slavery.

 Think about it. The more boundaries you build, the more fences you erect, the more lines you draw, the less space you have. 
The less space there is to run free, to revel and frolic, the more your worship suffers.


 Why?                                                                                                                                                   
Self-imposed rules never bring joy.

Why?                                                                                                                                            
Because when we rely on culture and ourselves to tell us how to live our life best, we ignore the Creator, Sustainer and Life Giver who truly does know best and for freedom has set us free.



Hear me. Going back to the basics is grand.
Becoming not so reliant on stores can be a good thing.
Personally, I have high hopes of doing many things myself, right off my own land. (Nigerian goats and 10% butterfat anyone?!).



But, if my endeavors cause me to become prideful or judgmental or adopt a “my way is the best way and I can’t BELIEVE you don’t do it…” attitude, then I need to pause.

 

Reflect.


Realize the idols I have set in my heart and repent so that I might glorify God in all I do rather than myself.



Truth be told, here is where my assurance lies:
When I stand before the Lord, his concern is not whether I gave my kids organic strawberries or not; whether I drank coffee or not even whether I heated up my leftovers in the microwave or oven.


His concern will be for how I lived my life according to HIS will, doing HIS kingdom minded business here on earth.



So for me personally, that means choosing the non-organic strawberries so my financial resources can go further to someone literally dying for a piece of bread – gluten-free or not.

And for me personally, a cup of coffee, leftovers heated up in the microwave, or pizza picked up from the local Italian restaurant can be a form of worship for me, stirring my affections deeply for the Lord.



Those things can make me stop and just praise a God who is so amazingly good.

And that because of his goodness, despite my badness, had His one and only Son bear my sin and shame so that I might have eternity in heaven with Him.




So for encouragement for the weak hearted and the judgmental:
Spend some honest time with the Lord. Read through Romans 13 and 14 and lay your life over those verses.

Ask yourself some hard questions. What boundaries does the Lord give regarding eating? How are we to view other people and the choices they make eating? How do our choices in food and eating reflect the freedom we have if we are found in Christ?



For some of you, there might need to be some change. You might need to take away some things from your daily intake and some of you might need to add some things to your daily intake.

For me, I'll continue pushing back the world I feel so heavily weighing in.
I'll continue to give thanks to a Father who created all the smells and tastes and sights that accompany a good meal and seek him on what I may do best to make much of him - no matter if it is a store bought cupcake, frozen chicken nuggets or homemade enchiladas.



Whether it is this or that - keep in mind it is for his glory and your good. And his grace is unending.



                                        Matthew 15:11 and 18

                                        Hear and understand:
                it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person,
                          but what comes out of the mouth...
                what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart
                                  and this defiles a person.

Atheism

Can I be honest?

As God-fearing as I am, as passionate as I am about Jesus Christ, I love reading articles written by atheists.

Why? 
They scare me.
They scare me to think that they have valid points.  That what they are writing makes sense.  That I can understand why they came to the conclusion that God is pretend.

But for the grace of God, there go I.

It pushes me. 
It pushes me to examine my beliefs.  It pushes me to to not take what I'm taught at face value.  It pushes me to pray harder that I would not fall away, that I would not be overtaken by the cares and trials of this world.

More than all those things, it pushes me to be honest with my kids.

To tell them to doubt.  To tell them to question.  To tell them to seek.

To tell them God is not offended or surprised by their questions.
And to remind them that when they have those moments of confusion, they will simply be loved.


It's not up to me to save my kids but I have been called to teach and to train them.
So I will give them truth as it is revealed to me.  Truth that has stood for thousands of years as the trends of this world change minutely.

It's not a one-size-fits-all and God most certainly does not fit in a box.

So, as a challenge to the unbeliever, read the Bible.  The Holy Bible.  In it's entirety, in context and see if maybe, just maybe, the god you've read about in articles and heard opinions on is nowhere close to the God of the Bible.

And, as a challenge to the believer, read the Bible.  The Holy Bible.  In it's entirety, in context and ask the Lord to reveal more of Himself.  Stop using it to puff yourself up and start using it as a tool to learn how to engage the disengaged.  Jesus can teach you.

Fear

Words have impact, even when they are little.

They especially have impact when an assumption is made or an expectation is in place.

The saying goes, when you assume, you make the first three letters of the word out of you and me.
And when expectations don't happen, there is a huge letdown.

But, what if your assumption and expectation was legitimate?  What if you thought a + b = c?

Only then to find out, in this case, no, no it doesn't.  And the pain hits like a sledgehammer.

And then that pain gives birth to a different type of pain which reminds you of the fear you've been suppressing which reminds you of the burden you're carrying which reminds you of the pain.
It's a cycle, a vicious one at that.

In the days that followed sending in the application for Jake's job, if I dwelt on it, really dwelt on the fact that if he was selected for the job, he would be gone, I felt as though the bottom of my world had fallen out.

I learned quickly to not even think on the next month or the next week or even the next day.  Today was the day I was in and I would focus on that.

When I shared my feelings of despair with my sister in law, she so wisely stated, "Yes, this should be hard.  The two of you are one.  It is a separating of your union."

Yes, indeed, a tearing of sorts.

There are many times a day I have to remind myself to breathe.  To stop, count ten seconds in and ten seconds out.

I will come home with the boys from being out and not realize I've been operating in high stress mode, near panic only to walk into what we know, what we've shared with Jake, and have comfort and peace wash over me.

As the boys started articulating their fears over bad things happening because their daddy is gone, I got to a place where I was frustrated and did not deal with them compassionately or gently.

Yes, their daddy is gone.  Yes, it's for a long time.  Yes, this is our reality right now, so can we move on please?

The Lord gently started revealing the anxiety I was walking in with my husband gone.  He brought me to a place where I had to acknowledge that yes, I was scared.  Yes, I didn't feel safe.  Yes, my heart hurts.


And the boys needed to see it is ok.  That they are not struggling alone and their fears are valid.

The other night, an expectation, a hope I had came crashing down.
 An event, a very important one that is happening; an event that because of Jake's absence is going to be awkward, emotional and just plain difficult.

And now, because I made an assumption of certain roles and was kindly told "Nope" what would have been painful anyways has now been compounded with what feels like rejection.

Can I be honest?  When those seven words popped up on my phone being preceded by a "try to make you feel better before I drop the bombshell", I felt dumbfounded and stupid.

The stupid that makes your heart hurt.

So, I've gone into protection mode.  My protection mode is to retreat.  To roll up into a ball.
I want to set my pride aside, I really do.

But in the midst of this pain, all the other pains that I have been dealing with superficially - going to church, prayer, loss of community, safety, leadership, large groups, having to tell someone my husband isn't here - have hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Something so closely knit, the separation has been heavily felt.

Lamentations 3:21-28

But this I call to mind,

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him."

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.