Worthless Battle

The reality is our reality is not a reality.

We have government assistance programs so we can get our hair done and beer bought.
We have television shows detailing unwedded, teenage moms and their love triangles.
We have a war over a food chain because they believe in traditional and biblical marriage.

Seriously?  This is what we're going to spend our God-given time on?

Not the mom's in Africa that sit boiling water day after day while they agonize over how to feed their starving and crying children.
Not the many babies being abandoned and left for dead in Asia because they are the wrong sex.
Not the many trafficked girls in India who sit in a darkened room waiting for the stuff of nightmares to become their hellish reality.

Instead, we sit in our air conditioned, freshly painted houses, behind the smokescreen of social media and blare our horn long and loud.  Few dare to actually venture out onto the battlefield.

Where are you?  Too busy reading about the myriad of problems in our culture and society?  Or have you suited up and are out tending to the sick, bringing food to the poor, visiting with the lonely, mentoring the underprivileged, and bringing good news to the lost?

Melaina Raburn, Heather and Rich Caudle, Jake Ewing, Barb and Rob Pierce, Jen and Sean Moore, Brandon and Beth Graham, Brittany Bradberry, Hannah McGlothlin, Cody Tilger, Lisa Polly...

Just a small snapshot of those who have answered the call and stepped into the arena in Taiwan, India, Guatemala, Kenya, Haiti, Ethiopia, and Australia.

Be men of valor and women of courage.  It starts in your very neighborhood, out from behind the glare of your computer.

Stop fighting the inane battle on Chick-fil-A vs. Jack-in-the-Box, Honda vs. Ford, bottle vs. breast, homeschool vs. public school, Home Depot vs. Lowe's, paper vs. plastic.

Start warring on what really matter - the life and souls of desperate, hurting humans.

True Healing in the Washing of Forgiveness

I have this seed of unforgiveness that so quickly becomes a deep, embedded root of hurt and bitterness.

Every time I feel I can move on, that I've healed, that all is well, I'm reminded of the pain still lurking.

Second Kings tell of Naaman, a highly respected general for Syria.  At a time where leprosy was a sentence of death and shame, the Lord inflicts him with open sores.

So he heads to Samaria, seeking out healing.  In faith, because of his young servant girl's words, with his flesh falling off, he calls on God to be healed.  The same as I, over and over fall onto His mercies.

For Naaman, the healing wasn't what he expected or even thought he deserved.  His words when he was sent to Elisha and Elisha wouldn't even come meet him were, "Behold, I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call upon the name of the Lord his God, and wave his hand over the place and cure the leper."

Oh how those words resound with familiarity.    This, this is what I long for; a swish of God's mighty, magical wand and all is fixed.  My heart bound, my wounds healed.  The scars no longer visible.

The Lord gently reminds me He is not my genie.  And He is far more concerned about my eternity than my temporary.  I might just be asked to walk through a raging river.  A filthy river.  A river where I can't see my feet and don't know what is lurking.  He might ask me to do it over and over and over and over, seven times even.

Just as Naaman was commanded to submerge himself in the muddy waters of the Jordan (and in prideful response says the waters in Syria are much better than anything in Israel), not once, but seven times - trusting that this would lead to full restoration of his body, so God whispers to me:

"You don't understand this trial, but I do. 

You can't comprehend the why's, but I do. 

And that is enough."

Much deeper the roots go than just what the fruit shows and I have to trust Him enough to have the digging out, the pruning, the submerging in the unknown so that I might be fully restored.

What is easiest, having the magic wand waved, is not what is best and I will wash over and over in the incomprehensible trial of "now" so I might be fully ready for the "not yet."

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be in fear of dread of them for the Lord your God is always with you. He will never leave you or forsake you.



Where I Stand

I don't think politics ever truly go away.  There are too many elections, and it grows a bit burdensome.

You always find out quickly where this hopeful candidate stands on this or that issue - but it never seems a fierce, firm stance.

Far removed from the influences of church and the supposed "brainwashing" that people say happens if you teach your child what you believe, I became firm on where I stand after many months of seeking and studying on my own.

Many people go through it, but most people won't voice it.  The one thing that finally makes you walk away from a God you don't truly know, a religion you just don't understand, and a way of life that has felt more forced than free.

My day came after, oddly enough, attending a sweet four months old funeral.  His daddy stood up and with Luke not more than three feet in front of him, resting in that tiny casket, started to proclaim that God was good, and He knew this was how long baby Luke would have, and they would trust in the faithfulness of God.

I sobbed more that day for my complete brokenness and confusion than I did for what the event represented - utter and complete despair and a hope not yet realized.

 All things made new.  God is good.  I didn't get it.  If that had been my child, I certainly wouldn't be lifting my hands in worship, praising God while my tender baby lays in a box about to go forever in the ground.  I shudder to think what my response would have been before my belief in God.

So I left, beyond confused and absolutely done.  Who believes this stuff? 

Of course, I gave God one last chance.  Told Him if He was actually real, He'd have to prove it.  And if He was real, how was He good with the loss of babies?  With the deaths of mommies?  With granddaddies being on the losing end of cancer?  When your husband says, "Never mind, I'll be happier with someone else?"  When you try and you try and the thing you hoped for is a hope that becomes a crushed dream?  When everything, in the span of three months, is taken away and you realize all that worth and joy you had is actually at the bottom of the gutter, molding?

Right away, the blinders came off.  I saw how easily I had been sucked into religiosity and piling up my gold stars without ever actually knowing anything of Him.  I was the older brother.  All my life I had worked and He had never given me what I thought I so deserved (see, see???  My chart is full of my gold stars!!!).  I had no affection or desire for this Creator who intimately knew me and had formed my inward parts.  The One who knows my thoughts before they are even on my tongue.

So I battled.  Long and hard.  Weary and burdened.  And over and over He showed His abundant love and mercy and grace.  That yes, He loved me!  I didn't have to earn it (the charts went in the trash).  He knows.  Deeply, personally.

At a time, when I wasn't searching, He picked me up, swept me away and revealed His goodness in the midst of broken hearts and crushed dreams.

My stance is His stance.  And I'm firmly rooted in it.  For me, there is a very noticeable line between wrong and right, black and white, good and bad.

Yet, none of that is too far outside the boundaries of His all consuming and ever redeeming grace.  So who am I to judge?  All though, time after time I do.  And steadfastly, continually, He loves me still.

In Him we have the redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight...

Ephesians 1:7-8

Out of My Hands

If we're going to claim the Old Testament in the Bible is outdated, archaic, and not pertaining to us, we're essentially saying God is not who He says He is.  We'll claim the law is null and void and it was only for "back then."

Yet you miss the core of, well... everything.  The Levitical law was to show God's holiness and reveal His people as set apart; consecrated.  It was never a this or that law and look how amazing I am to do all these strict commandments.  As always, God is after our heart, never our outward appearance.

So if you're going to go law-based, work on the first one, the most important one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength.  Then things might start to click and you might not look at the Bible as a list of do's or don't's.

The biblical mandates, both old and new, have always been for our good.  Those boundaries?  They actually give life to our weary bones and set us free.  Our good brings Him glory.  He is a God unlike any other, yet we constantly try to carve Him in our image.  And we were created in HIS image.

Submissiveness wrestles a fierce battle with our pride.  The reason we don't like the statutes and commandments given us is because it makes us answerable to someone.  Which means someone has authority over us.  Which means we are no longer in charge.

Of all the people who had a choice; someone who could actually flex his power and call the shots, was the Man who came not to be served but to serve.  Jesus Christ could have said no.  He could have said He didn't feel like it, or the burden was too much, or He was tired, or He didn't like him or her or some other asinine excuse we constantly give. 

Yet, in His great love, He died for us.  He predestined us for greatness knowing fully our flaws, our times of taking the lead and in turn leading others astray.  He knew the myriad of times we would spit in His face and reject Him.

If we start making the demands of what we deem good or bad, necessary or not, doable or out of our so-called willpower, we've lowered God from Most High to "eh", just a dude.

In turn, if we outdate the Old Testament, then what becomes of New Testament laws?  I don't have to remain faithful to my husband.  I don't have to love my children.  I don't have to serve the poor; I don't have to provide for the widow and orphan; I don't have to make disciples of all nations or love my neighbor as myself.

It gets muddled real fast, lost in the brokenness of sinful human beings who claim to know their right hand from their left.

Christ never came to abolish the law, He came to fulfill them and show His great might and power over sin and the grave.  This is why He came.  To do what we cannot do yet through the same Spirit that raised Jesus Christ from the dead, we have the power to be more than conquerors! (Romans 8:37).

It is not for man to know the complexities of who God chooses to do what He does and allows to happen what happens.  For a human being, a created work of the Creator, to profess they know why, is simply put; ignorance and ignorance is not bliss.  We can rest assured that the same answer He gave Moses all those years ago on Mount Sinai is the same He gives us today: I AM WHO I AM (Exodus 3:14).

Isaiah 44:6-8

Thus says the Lord, the King of Israel

 and his Redeemer, the LORD of hosts:

"I am the first and I am the last;

besides me there is no god.

Who is like me?  Let him proclaim it.

Let him declare and set it before me,

since I appointed an ancient people.

Let them declare what is to come, and what will happen.

Fear not, not be afraid;

have I not told you from of old and declared it?

And you are my witnesses!

Is there a God besides me?

There is no Rock; I know not any."

No God

We have, in the Bible, the believer and non-believer.

In America, we have the Christian, agnostic and atheist.

The term Chrisitan has started giving me a very bad taste in my mouth.

"Our school is very Christian." 
"She's a good Christian girl."
"I want to raise my kids in a Christian household."

All of sudden, God is small.  We've downsized Him into something less than awe-inspiring, worthy of our adoration and complete submissiveness.

If we listen to the right type of music, throw up a desperate plea occasionally, have a Bible in our house, have our "faith", and don't wear a bikini, somehow we're "Christian."  We've attached ourself to things far beyond our understanding and knowledge.

I cringed when I read why it's called the God Particle.  Because the guy who studied it for so long wrote a book and wanted it to be called The God-expletive Particle and it was shortened (cnn.com).

We laugh.
But it's not humorous.  For those that have a deep, pursuing relationship with the Lord, our sin makes us cringe, Christ's death humbles us, and we stand star-struck at the beauty of His creation.

For those that do not believe, He is something to be belittled, mocked and explained away by science.

For the agostic, He's waiting for proof of a God. 

Ever held a newborn baby who just one hour earlier had not drawn one breath in 9 months?
Every felt the sun on your skin?
Ever see the waves crash to shore and be drawn out again?
Can you explain why and how we have gravity?

On and on I could go.  It's why God questions Job the way He does when Job feels he deserves answers.  In essence, God is unfathomable, His greatness unsearchable...


Jesus Himself tells us that narrow is the path and few are on it.  If that doesn't strike fear in your heart, you might want to check it.

Daily, I'm asking... "Is that me? Will I stand before His throne and He will tell me to depart for He does not know me?"

Far more likely will be those that don't question and will bend their knee and see the glory of God for only a moment before a hellish eternity swallows them up.

But we laugh.  We harden our heart.  We turn to our other gods.

And in the end, no matter what, God is glorified.  And He is good because of it.

Battling the "Overprotection"

Raising my boys in this culture of over-exposure and over-indulgence has me, hourly, praying through what is healthy and wise.

Too often, from believer and non-believers, homeschoolers and other schoolers, friends and aquaintances, I get the questions, "Aren't you just sheltering your kids?"

Truth be told, this question wears on me.  It's not asked with well-meaning intention.  It's asked with sharpness, trying to pinpoint exactly what I believe and waiting for the condemnation that because they don't do what I do, I don't want to be around them... And nothing could be further from the truth.

It wears on me because it makes me ponder my motivations. It makes me search my heart for the "why's" of anything I do pertaining to my kids.

Reading some articles this week and talking with others lead me to feel uncertain.  As always, the Lord is good and remains faithful even in my faithlessness.  A prayer I wrote down a year ago assured me of why I do what I do.

Psalm 119:9  How can a young man keep his way pure?  By guarding it according to your word.

This is why I do what I do.  I'm training them to keep their heart pure.
Of course, this means there might be certain things we don't watch or read or listen to...but it always is with a full explanation of why.

And the why is this:  We want to keep our mind stayed on Him, we want to do those things that stir our affections for Christ, we want to give them a firm foundation of truth to stand on so when the things of this world come  rushing at them, they know what to do and where to look.

So yes, in tightly controlled conversations, we've discussed sex, including homosexuality, adultery, and transgender.

Yes, we talk about other religions and their beliefs. 

And yes, they are definitely enlightened to the evils of this world, far deeper than a brother stealing a toy.  So 9/11 has been discussed as well as the recent Aurora, CO shooting.

We've grieved over the loss of Brody, Luke and Gideon.  They've seen me cry over my cancer-stricken daddy.  They've seen me and Jake say we don't know why but in the midst of despair claim God is good and He does good (Psalm 119:68).  They've seen us voice our unbelief (Mark 9) and they know they can do the same.

All four have had chances to the see (through video, picture, and missionaries) the sweet kids at Fundanino's in Guate and Naomi's Village in Kenya.  They've taken in the horror stories of why some of those children even have to be in the orphanage.

We have made it no secret the price of the war America is in and they hold soldiers in high regard and thank them for their service when we come across one.

In everything, we point them to Jesus.  We tell them of God's word and what it says about the brokenness of our world and the beautiful redemption we have now and not yet.

If this is sheltering, I'll continue to do it.  I'll do it whether they are home with me or in a different school the majority of the day.  Above all, my biggest "why" is being held accountable for the way I raised up these four very impressionable young minds. 

If I'm not teaching them, I've left it up to the world.
And the question is: Am I doing what it takes to get by for right this moment or do I have long-term (eternity) goals we steadfastly march towards.

Psalm 119:10-11  With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!  I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

And so continually, seeking His will, asking for direction and revelation when I've gone astray -- it pushes me to the Lord, and over and over I fall into His grace and mercy.  He loves my boys far more than I ever will and is a mightier protector than I could ever hope to be.

More of "Enough"

My kids humble me. 

The Lord always uses them to drive home what the Spirit is leading me in.

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a wicked day in discontentment and dissatisfaction.  The story the boys wanted to keep reading?  Numbers 11, where the Israelites keep complaining that the manna isn't good enough and boy do they miss Egypt with all the sweet food they received.

Yet, they were forgetting what was in Egypt.
Whip-cracking, abuse, infanticide, slavery...

Proverbs 14:30 A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy rots the bones.

So easily, this verse is me.  When my mind is stayed on the Lord, I am satisfied, no matter my circumstances.  And in those times, He opens my eyes to the myriad of miracles He works on a daily basis.  I see that His word is true - that He loves me and delights in me, a Father longing to give me good gifts.

But when my coveting creeps in, my envy takes over, I start believing that what I have is not good enough and become weighted down and consumed by others and their circumstances.

I fall into the trap of believing the "if this, then this" lie.  If this would happen, THEN it would be ok.
If I can just have more of what I all ready have, THEN I will be satisfied.

When the Israelites grumbled and complained against God that ALL they had was manna, this bread that literally fell from the sky, and they were  sick and tired of having their daily bread, God said, "Fine, you're discontent, you're unhappy - I will give you over to the lusts of your heart in the form of food."

It wasn't that they needed the food.  It was that they couldn't look to God for their satisfaction and instead needed to fill that empty gnawing with something physically tangible.

What was achieved by the overabundance? 
Sickness, a plague and death.

The one thing they thought they had to have -- more of their "just enough" -- ends up physically killing them.

I had to sit back and ask the Lord where I was doing this.  Where have I become gluttonous and overindulged?  Where has the Lord perfectly provided, but because of my wandering, it all of a sudden becomes not enough?

My husband's job.
Our house.
Our financial situation.
On and on and on I find myself killing relationships and blessings because of my greed.

Over and over, my good desires become my ultimate.  I become willing to sacrfice the good God has all ready given because I've deemed it not good enough.

I realized that if I suddently had an overabundance of all that I'm lusting after, it certainly would not be the Lord's blessing on me.  My heart is not in the place to receive it.  I have to find my pleasure, my peace, my hope in the Lord before I can ever rightly enjoy those beautiful blessings He rains down.

Psalm 16:11 You make known to me the path of life;
                      in your presence there is fullness of joy;
                      at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Thoughts

Thoughts from today's court hearing.

I can't go based on what I feel.  What I feel is doubt.  What I feel is confusion.

Everytime, He brings me back to His word.  My heart is deceitful.  The enemy wants me to doubt His goodness because in my doubting, I'm not trusting.  When I'm not trusting in Truth, I'm believing the lies of this world. 
So I confessed that.  Told God I didn't know where to go with this.  With everything that has been swirling around the last couple of weeks.  Things that were brought to light in court.

In my disbelief, I always believe He will answer.  And He did.

A sweet time of prayer with the boys following the long day in court was simple.  The Lord's Prayer.  If it's good enough for Jesus to teach the disciples, it's certainly good enough for me to cry it out. 

The first line is "Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

Everything hidden is brought to light.  So no matter if we get the protection we've been begging the Lord for or whether He chooses not to grant it, I have to fall on His Word.  And His Word says that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts.  His greatness is unsearchable.  His understanding, who can fathom?

God is who He says He is.  I AM.  So I can be confused, I can be perplexed, I can doubt.  Music to my ears when for so long, I couldn't voice my unbelief.

Knowing He cares for the least of these, and a sweet, innocent child is certainly the least of these yet so mightily His.

Satan throws the fiery darts.  Again and again.  But the Lord is my strength and He upholds me with His righteous right hand.

So whether what we believe is what comes to light or we're thrown a curveball, we rest in the sovereignty of an all-knowing, all seeing God.  Indeed, it's in my doubting that He reveals Himself time and time again for no other reason but to give courage to my weak and flailing heart.

Accepting the Sharpening

I want, more than anything, to be a breath of fresh air, be encouraging, be loving and compassionate, be the iron that sharpens.

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens friend (NLT).

The other night, as I prayed this in preparation for meeting with a group of women, the Lord revealed to me in how much I'm the giver in this and not so much the taker.

Being the taker means I'm needing sharpening.  If I'm needing sharpening, it means I've grown dull.  And what use is a dull object?  Instead, it's dangerous.

So, my pride stands wickedly tall.  I won't fully let people in to my vulnerabilities and failures because I don't want the "advice."  I want to be able to figure it out on my own...

Solitude, especially in the midst of struggle, is a dangerous place to be.

I have well-meaning, beautiful, God-fearing women that the Lord has given me for just this reason - to keep me sharp.  To keep my focus on Him.  To realize, left to my own devices, I sink easily and quickly.

More often then not, a breath of fresh air breathes life into my weary heart once the Spirit has led me to confess, to seek, to share.
If I'm constantly giving the words and not taking any in, I've grown self-righteous, haughty and puffed up. 

I continually think over my conversations throughout the day:
Who did more of the talking?
Could the words that were said be upheld next to the Bible.  i.e. Were they gossip, did it point to the hope in Christ, was it rooted in truth?

Does it follow the guidelines of James 1:17 of what the "wisdom from above" looks like?

Far too often, I need to come down yet another notch on my pridefulness and self wisdom and be the one that graciously and humbly accepts the sharpening so I might grow.

As much as I want to be the encourager, life-giver, woman of wisdom, more times than not, I need to be the receiver instead of the giver... and in this instant, I feel that's ok.

Conviction of a "Maybe"

James 5:12 But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

I'll confess. I'm horrible at actually doing this verse.  I am not a woman of my word.  I've quickly fallen into the trap of "maybe" and "we'll see."  I've become undependable and untrustworthy.

A few months ago, I was deeply convicted of my selfishness when it came back and hit me square in the face.

Short detour:  I had decided to throw my first ever surprise birthday party for someone near and dear to me.  By Evite, the invites were sent out a week before hand...

Little did I know Evite shows who has viewed the invitation and when, letting you keep track of how many times it's been viewed.  So you notice that people are viewing the invite but nobody is responding...

And then, the night of, people that were "yes's" all of a sudden became "no's" or "maybe's." 

Maybe I'll be there... if I feel like it.
Maybe I'll be there... if nothing better comes along.
Maybe I'll be there... if I want to love my neighbor as myself.

Too many times, even now, I find the Lord bringing this verse to mind. Especially once I've said yes and I'm looking for a way to turn it into no.

Am I letting my yes be yes or am I doubting, being double-minded, unfaithful?

Am I seeking my own advantage or am I willing to die to myself and love others as Christ loves me?

Too often, I use an excuse.
Too often, I say maybe.
Too often, I'll go with what's easiest for me and satisfies my over-indulged heart the most.

All of it sinful, none of it glorifying.

Discontentment at it's Finest

From the things my hands have been pried from, I sure do go back to clenching my fists around those idols.

This past week had me wallowing in jealousy, covetousness, dissatisfaction and discontentment.

After a few long months of opportunities, the Lord closed the door and has told us to wait.  He has been good in blessing and confirming that desicion but in my flesh, I want what I want and I WANT IT NOW.

As wicked as this sounds, I fall into the American Dream nightmare of "Keeping Up With the Joneses."

I so desperately want to throw the Lord's will to the side and chase after my lustful heart's desires.  New job, bigger house, better vacation -- more and more stuff for rust and moth to destroy and more filling of my coffers.

I see it and I feel it.  It creeps over me, burdening me, suffocationg every ounce of grace-breathed blessing I have in Him.

I have to keep my mind on Him.  I have to remind myself this does not last forever, that the race I am running is not for the faint of heart but is for my crown of glory.  The now and not yet.

Yet in this now moment, I'm craving the destructiveness of building into my kingdom because if I can have it, everything else will fall into place...

Right?

My circumstances do not dictate my heart, my heart dictates my circumstances.  So I ask the Lord to give my very weak heart the courage to have patience.

Because, in the end, when has waiting on the Lord ever been foolish?  Instead, I could go on for days the very many times I took center stage and walked in my faulty control.

And yet, because I love Him and have been called according to His purposes He works everything for the good of me.  Even my faults, even my abundant failures.  All because of His steadfast love and mercy.  And in the end, I want whatever gets me more of Him.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you..."

Discipline...

The subject always comes up.  How?  When?  What?

When your kid is being a terror.  When he just won't do what you want him to.  When it's the battle of the wills and you seem to be on the losing end.

More often times than not, I find myself wanting out.  I don't want to have to take time out to explain, to teach, to undo what has been done.  When I walk in my flesh, I get angry and I discipline for everybody else except for the one it's truly for.

As the Lord grows me, I've asked that in everything I do, I point my kids to Jesus.  And by His great help, I'm learning.

Just as much as their unregenerate hearts need it, so my weary and thirsty heart desperately, constantly needs the gospel.

So yesterday, in Colten being overcome and telling me he just couldn't do it, that he knows he sins, he sins every day of his life, I got a beautiful opportunity to share the good news.  That yes! We are sinners.  Yes! We sin every day.  But in Christ, there is no condemnation!  When we have received salvation and believed in Jesus's name, God doesn't look on us with disgust and impatience.  He's not sitting high above us with his arms crossed asking, "When are you ever going to get this?"

Instead, He is next to us, saying, "I know and I love you anyways.  You are my beloved son."

So when I read the parenting how-to books and feel the weight of not measuring up start to burden me down, I have to realize that my way is not the only way and the person who wrote the fabulous book has great ideas but I don't have to conform to what they do.  The only thing I need to be concerned with is teaching my boys to love the Lord their God with all their heart, mind and strength and I do this as we walk, lay, rise, and sit.

Sometimes, I totally botch it.  I get impatient, lazy and angry.  But even in that, I get to remind them (and myself!) that I am nothing like God.  He is infintely more merciful, patient, gracious and loving and that he forgives, over and over.  That we will all fall short and most days finding me falling over and over again. 

Yet, because of His mercy, by confession and repentence, they see His grace covers even ugly un-graceful moments.  And I am reminded that it's not what I do or don't do, it's by what Jesus has all ready done.

Galatians 2:21 And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God for if righteousness were through the Law, then Christ died for no purpose.

Downsizing

In our "more is more...and still not enough" culture, I'm finding it increasingly satisfying to go against the grain.

When we first bought our house, five and a half years ago, we had a 1 year old with another baby on the way.

We "settled", out of desperation for a 1500 square foot, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house in desperate need of...everything.  My thought?  Two years, three years tops and we'll be on to bigger, better, newer things.

I sometimes get the feeling that the more I plan out of entitlement, self-righteousness and indignation, the Lord laughs.

Four babies later, we're still in the same house and have made it into what it is...a cozy, cramped box that we call home and have no plans to change any time soon.

We have three boys in one room with the fourth to be in there soon.  All four share one dresser and one closet.  Our "formal dining" (as if there could be such a thing in a house full of boys!) is the game room/school room.
I constantly go though and dejunk, give away, and condense.  Because, really, what I am clinging so closely to?  Like they care to see the outfit they went home from the hospital in (I might lean a bit on the non-sentimental side...).

The things I don't need right now might be the things somebody is desperately needing.  I've found the freedom in letting go of my "what if I need this in a few months" thoughts (by way of lovely, God-fearing women who love me with all my faults) and realized the Lord plans and provides perfectly.

In the last few weeks, we've watch one family move to Taiwan (three kids), another family start their journey to India (four kids) and another run head long to Haiti (this included moving to a 700 square foot house with their three kids).
Each on a different path with one goal: untangling themselves from the cares of this world to glorify the name of a Blessed Redeemer.

Godly, lovely families that I watch and glean from their examples.  Women I want to emulate in teaching my boys that God is far-flung to all the corners of the earth and our little slice of pie is not all there is.

I want to be a giver, not a taker.  I want to leave this life with nothing but a legacy of loving God with all my heart, mind and strength.

So I start small, one closet at a time, one box of toys at a time opening my hands to let go so I might receive what truly matters.

1 Timothy 6:17-19  As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be genreous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they make take hold of that which is truly life.