Need

All though it's a reminder I give myself often, I fall prey to the lie all too often: no one cares and no one could even begin to comprehend what I'm walking in.

Having the perspective of distance and seeing now with lenses I didn't before, it's been a challenge to learn how to grieve well and without anger or bitterness.  So I carry around the fragments of a broken heart, not trusting anyone to enter into my sadness with me because they can't possibly understand the depths of my pain.  Right?

The Lord challenged me on that today.  I went to minister to someone in a trying season and ended up being ministered to.  All she did was listen.  But it was enough.

At any given moment, the trial we are facing is what the Lord has seen fit to draw us close to Him.  And what draws us close to Him involves the breaking of our pride, the unclenching of our tightly held idols and shattering our carefully constructed and concealing walls.  It's always painful, rarely pretty, until you're on the other side when you can see the beauty that comes out of the ashes.

Satan wants us to believe there is no one that can walk with us.  There is no one to hold our hand or listen to us.  Because when we're out of community, isolated,

all by ourself...

That's when we get entrenched in the muck and mire of our worldly thinking.  The enemy takes aim and it's difficult to rise back up if someone isn't there to help you.

A single strand cannot hold our burdens, our hurts, our shame.

But a three-fold cord?  That is not easily broken.

So take heart in Jesus's example.  In His grief, on the very night of His betrayal, He asked His friends to pray with Him.  God Himself did not do life alone.

Invite someone into the mess that is your life.  Give someone part of your pain.  Let the church be the church and the body be the body and allow yourself to be vulnerable.  It takes humility to be humble.

He knows.  He sees.  Let Him use His own to pour out mercy and compassion on you.  Don't fall prey to the lie that no one can understand or even cares.

1Peter 5:9 ...know that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

Ecclesiastes 4:9  Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall one will lift up his fellow.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Missing the Mark

One of my biggest fears/struggles that I have had great victory in but still slide back into is trusting the Lord with all He has given me and living life open-handed.
I easily become entangled in the argument "What about my needs?"
And more often than not, I come across people acting in a way that reverberates with my heart and it's old habits.

The birth of the church, as written in the book of Acts, is marked by a generousity the majority of us cannot even fathom.  We want to give ourselves a pat on the back when we tithe or donate out of our excess, but the newly converted lived life in such a way that there was no one in need.

 Don't miss that.  "All who believed were together and had all things in common.  And they were selling their possesions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need." (Acts 2:44).

That means, the needs that you had were met.  We didn't have to put ourselves in debt; we didn't have to spin in our anxiety over how we're going to make the next meal or pay the rent or take our child to the doctor.

But now, more than ever, steeped in our "me-ism" American culture, it's all about filling our coffers, satisfying our appetites and biggering our houses... And then, if anything is left over, maybe we can throw some scraps to the person in need.  Why else are there so many government assistant programs to feed the stricken and get medicine for the sick?
What if we stopped looking to meet all our wants, desires and needs?  What if we looked to a good God who blesses us and delights in giving - in fact, teaches on "your Father's good pleasure" to provide for us (Luke 12:32)?

Truth is, if you look back to what you made/spent 10 years ago, you weren't satisfied then and you're certainly not satisfied now.  It's only your "needs" that have grown; you can afford the 3000 square foot house and the $400 payment on a new car. Discontentment breeds discontentment and who ever downsizes or simplifies? 

It's absurd if you think on it.  You're given good gifts, completely undeserved, at the right time.  Yet when it comes time to "pay it forward" you can't seem to let go of your wants, needs, desires.  You have an over abundance of money and you seek to hoard it, to earn more off of it, to further your kingdom instead of using it for the eternal kingdom.

To that, these words are still true: "Fool!  This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?  So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God" (Luke 12:20-21).

Step outside the flow of culture for a moment.  Stop comparing what you have or don't have to others.  What is the Lord's path for you?  Not your wants or hopes, but His good, perfect, and pleasing will (Romans 12:2).  How can you use what you have at this very moment - gifts, talents, abilities, goods - to bless others and further the gospel?

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be in fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you.  He will not leave you or forsake you.

Making it a Teachable Moment

It happened again yesterday.  A conversation between a mom and her 3 year old that left my heart on the floor, my jaw almost there and my blood pressure through the roof.
He came running up to her, upset that he had been shoved.  Like any mom, she grasps his shoulders, looks him over and pronounces that he is fine.  Following the once-over, she tells him "Next time, tell them, 'That's not nice, God doesn't like it when you push.'"
I'm screaming on the inside for her to go deeper than this.  To not condense God into a box of don't do this or that for the simple reason of Him not "liking" those things.  Because what if it was her kid that had done the shoving?  Will he feel condemned, that he can't measure up, that God doesn't like him because of the action?

No wonder we have so many people, especially young ones, throwing up their hands, realizing the church has impossible standards to meet.  They're constantly met with long lists of don't do this, don't do that, you should have done this not that, especially don't do that... On and on and on until you're so burdened down and exasperated you find it easier to live up to the world's standards (and has anybody realized how ridiculous those are - we're all chasing the "perfect" body with no one having a clue what that actually looks like).

The ugly truth?  That we're not nice, we're not good, we absolutely cannot please a Holy and Perfect God.

We are, by nature, children of wrath.  That knowledge of the law only brings about knowledge of our transgressions, our iniquities, our lawlessness, our sinfulness.  There is no hope from our human stand point to enter into His rest.

But God, in His mercy, in His love, in His foreknowledge, made a way to make us good and lovely and right and pure.
The beautiful truth is, it's not dependent on us.  It's dependent on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Who, for the joy set before Him endured the cross.
So when we get so wrapped up in our legalistic, "thank you God that I'm not like that," it's time to take a step back and look at what was achieved on the cross: that when we have received salvation and believed in Jesus's name, we have been stripped of our filthy, moth-eaten, dirt-caked rags and in exchange been given a gloriously beautiful robe of righteousness.

Meditate on that.

That means, when my kids fail, when I fail, I take the opportunity to point us to the character and nature of God. A God that delights in us, cherishes us, forgives us (past, present and future) and helps us.
That time after time, we will fall short of the glory of God, but in Jesus Christ, we stand perfected for all time.

Isaiah 43:4 & 10, Isaiah 44:22

Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you... (You are) my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he.
I have blotted our your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you.

Guidance

I know it should always be what I do, but this is, more than ever, a season of fasting, of praying, of seeking the Lord on direction for our little family.  Huge steps that need to be taken and nothing that can be done lightly.

I fall into the trap of asking Him to make it easy.  Booming voices, doors that open by themselves, and a smooth leisurely path.  But He doesn't always do that.  For Elijah, there was the wind, earthquake and a fire, yet the Lord was not in any of those things.  Only when the discreet, straining-to-hear whisper came did the Lord reveal Himself (1 Kings 19:8-18).  I find the Lord asking me the same question, "What are you doing here?"

What I'm doing here is having more of my heart revealed.  How I like my comfort, how I like the apparent look of grace upon grace, those things I don't even have to say, you just know by seeing. How my faith in the One who has proven Himself over and over and over and over is still so frustratingly small.  What I'm doing here is trying to painfully grow by letting go.

Yet, my life should be lived by faith, not by sight. Sometimes the path He leads me to won't be lit until I'm all ready walking on it.  Always He is there.  Always He guides me.  His glory, first and foremost, as my rearguard (Is 58:8).

In a dry and weary land, He is my life spring. In a dark and chaotic place, He is my peace.

In seeking Him, I find my deepest desires met.  In humbling myself before Him, I find His will infintely better. 

Life is lived fully before the face of an ever present God (coram deo).  That brings both fear and joy to my awe-trembling heart.  Fear; for He knows the truth even when I say deceptively pleasing things.  Joy; because when I slip, He holds me tight because He all ready saw.

So I learn.  A process, life long this thing is.  I'm grateful for a Father who is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  I'm face-on-the-floor thankful that He doesn't deal with me according to my sins or repay me according to my iniquities (Psalm 103:8).  That He loves me, cherishes me, guides me, holds me, sustains me and delights in me.

Isaiah 58:11 And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places.

Trust

For far too long, I feared giving everything to the Lord.  I felt in opening my hands, He would snatch it all away.  Think on Abraham, David and Job who were called to give up, to sacrifice, all that they had for the joy of the Lord.

My view of Him was so small.

What I failed to see for so long is sacrifice brings joy. God is infinitely better than all these things.  Things that he has lavishly and generously given me. The earth is the Lord's and everything in it. 
Committing my ways to God is an all-out, all-in committment.  Knowing His way is to prosper me and not to harm me, knowing that in my salvation I have become His daughter (and if you then who are evil know how to give good gifts, how much more will a Father who is pure and righteous, lovely and noble give good things?).
I can give all my hopes, all my dreams, all my intentions to Him because His will, His plan is the best life possible for me.

That's not to say I get everything I want.  That's not to say my life will be what I deem picture perfect.  Faith is the assurance of things not seen, the conviction of things hoped for.  My hope lies not in my deeply flawed, human ways but in the Way.  In the Man, Jesus Christ, who suffered and died so that at the end of this earthly, temporary life I get forever and ever with Him.

In all my desires, He can meet them because He designed them.  He is enough because His goodness, His greatness, never ends! (it is unsearchable - Ps. 145:3).  It is the gift that is infinite and keeps on giving.
The more I seek Him, the more I pursue Him, the more I love Him; the more I love Him, the more my prayers become "Your kingdom come, Your will be done."  I stop seeking my selfish, shallow wants.  I can see the bigger picture in which I have been chosen to play a very small role.
Prayer becomes a delight (something I still deeply struggle with).  I start to see more things answered because I search for what brings Him the most glory.  My heart starts beating in tandem with His and I can ask all things in faith, expectantly!
The more faith I have, the more trust I have.  The more trust I have, the more I can open my hands and commit all my way to a God who is kind in all His works.
He is for me, and if He is for me, who could be against me?


Psalm 37:5 Trust in the Lord and do good.  Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.