Why? Because my bent is peace-keeping.
But if the conflict involves me, my tendency is to shut down and simply apologize so you'll stop being upset with me.
Why? Because my bent is peace-keeping.
Yet, when does desiring keeping peace cross over into fear of man and withdrawing from a fight I should fight?
I'm battling knowing where this line is at this very moment.
There is conflict aimed at me, and what has happened -- not just to me but to several women -- is wrong. Very wrong.
I've stood up and I've said it's wrong. I have voiced my disagreement. And for it, I have been hammered at and attacked. For every word I have spoke, ten more have come back at me. Every time I've spoken about what has been wrong, I have received hostility and been demanded to make an apology.
The thing is, I can't apologize because you're offended at something. I can't apologize when your view is skewed and every little thing I do now is filtered through the perspective of me being rebellious and unsubmissive.
Just because I have had different opinions and disagreed with you does not mean I'm either of those things. It simply means I have a voice and I have ideas.
Sometimes I can confuse being a peacemaker with being somewhat of a doormat and choosing not to speak up, for fear of the anger people will have towards me as they assume my motives.
Part of this is personality -- I'm an introvert and an internal processor. Often times there is much thinking that goes on in me before I feel able to speak up. The other part is one of my sin struggles; wanting not to upset you and have you disapprove of me.
However, when the time calls for not being silent anymore, I will full enter into this battle. If the issue at hand is one of the gospel, I will fight mightily.
I will not be told I'm wrong when I'm not.
I will not be told to repent when I can't.
I will not let you accuse me when the accusations are untruthful.
I will not let it go quietly into that good night if it needs to be shouted from the rooftops.
If we go around arguing about every little thing, our voice becomes one of many. A cacophony. It is to a man's glory to overlook an offense.
But there are times to overlook and times to stare the issue straight in the eye.
If we rely on the Lord to lead us out and set our mind on fighting the good fight, we will know when to speak and when to be silent.
And if, when we speak, we are reviled for it, we can rest in the fact that it is the approval of God we seek and not man. Our good, his glory.
"I know there were women that
needed to hear those words from you.
And need to continue to hear your words.
You speak truth.
Satan doesn't like it.
I promise there is a crowd of quieter voices standing behind you,
supporting you, and feeling empowered to make their
voices just a little louder because of you."
--A sweet text from a friend after a hard night.
