Variations

"Two sides to every story."

I've never liked that saying and I especially now do not like it.

Having two sides makes it sound so divisive.  So disagreeable.

You need to hear my side so you can agree with me.

The problem is, it's not necessarily two sides, but a fuller story of the same side.

I recently read what felt like a 1,000 page biography on Dietrich Bonhoeffer (it's fantastic; find it, buy it, borrow it, read it) but I didn't give people a 1,000 page epilogue on what I read.  Rather, I gave them the reader's digest condensed version.  I told them what stood out to me, what fascinated me, what convicted me and what encouraged me.

Yet - that's my view.  If you were to read the actual biography, you would get a much fuller story than any variation of my account could give.

In conflict, there are always two sides to every story.  But it's not really sides so much as variations.

What often happens is the one who has been accused, the one who has been tried and condemned with no jury, is often reeling from what just smacked them in the face and their version is never heard.

It compounds the problem.  Because they aren't saying anything (because they're trying to figure out what the heck just happened and how it got to this place) and the other person's bias is the only one being heard, it just solidifies that the accused is guilty.

People stop looking you in the eye.

People take a wide berth in the hall so they don't have to walk near you.

Everyone in the group gets hugged except you.

It's uncomfortable, it's hurtful, it's baffling.

Yet to speak up would seem like you're defending, trying to justify yourself so you don't, which makes it seem as though you're guilty.  You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

What I have learned is this --  those that care, they've asked.  Those that don't care will stay their distance.

For people that truly care and love you, no explanation is necessary.

What kind of relationship would that be if you're always having to explain your actions for others' approval?

News flash:  that's not a relationship, that's enslavement.

My husband asked me the other week what these last four months have produced in me.  In other words, let's sift through the yucky and find the gold.

My response?  Never deeper have I felt my justification in the LORD.  Never more have I felt the utter peace that comes from Him knowing my heart and that the weight of how people judge me based on perception actually holds no basis for my eternity.

They don't hold my tomorrow, He does.

They don't approve of me, He does.

They don't justify me, He does.

All because of Jesus.