When the Church Rages

These past few months have been hard.  My character and integrity were called into question by people I believed to be trustworthy and thought were friends (and maybe, on some level, still do).
The most hurtful part is the how of the circumstance.  To think someone is a safe place, only to realize, too little, too late, that your confessions, your vulnerabilities, your struggles and your weaknesses have been exploited and turned against you can be a baffling and painful thing to wrestle through.
To find out a case has been building against you; to know there were conversations about you, but never involving you; to be blindsided in what you thought was a regular meeting and leveled with accusation, after accusation, after accusation can leave you feeling sucker-punched.
To be called a liar and a gossip.  To be told you're leading women astray and causing divisiveness.  To be accused of being disrespectful, rebellious and unsubmissive.  To be told you're walking in unrepentant sin and if you would just be humble and repent, everything would be fine.
Needless to say, I've said more f-bombs these last few months than I've probably said in my entire life. 
What to do?  
What to say? 
How to respond?

What man meant for evil, God has used for good.
The division it could have done to our marriage, (as my husband as been woefully betrayed by fellow comrades in this spectacle) has only pushed us deeper into each others' corners. 
Where it was meant to spoil friendships, it has only served to allow those relationships to grow sharper and to humble me with deep gratefulness that I can call such solid men and women my friends.
Where it should make me doubt the goodness of God and my trust in His ability to defend me has only led me to believe the gospel in a truer light.


No one likes to talk about church conflict because the church has it all together.  If we're the believers, the chosen, the redeemed, we can't possibly show our missteps, our hypocrisies and blemishes, can we?
Yet for that very purpose, isn't that why we believe? 
Isn't that why we need redemption? 
Isn't that why to be chosen is such a humbling and honoring thought? That Christ would look upon us with all our filth and shame and proclaim, "That one -- I want that one!"  That he would love us so much He would lay down all His desires and give up His own life for us?  

Not because of anything worthy in us, but because of all his worthiness.

We are indeed sinners, doing life with sinners.  This is what should set the believer in Jesus Christ apart.  Not that there won't be conflict, but when there is, how we handle it will be utterly astonishing to the world.
Beloved, if you've been wounded,  if you've been burned by the church, there is a great hope awaiting you here and now.
Jesus, your High Priest, sympathizes with you.  Because of the very human weaknesses He experienced as Immanuel, God in the flesh, He understands your weaknesses and extends the invitation to boldly approach His throne of grace.
Fix your eyes on Jesus and His justification and not the judgement of others.
Allow the truth of the gospel - the hope and reconciliation -- to sink deep in your heart.  Be kind and tender-hearted, forgiving others as God in Christ has forgiven you.
Know that only God can do the greatest amount of good for the greatest amount of people at the best possible time and He is for everyone.

For they drop trouble on me, and in anger they bear a grudge against me.

For it is not an enemy who taunts me - then I could bear it.

It is not an adversary who deals insolently with me - then I could hide from him.

But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend.

We used to take sweet counsel together;

Within God's house we walked in the throng.

Psalm 55