Loss and Gain of Friendship

The topics of friendship and community hits home with me.  Those that have enduring, deep-rooted relationships are foreign to me.

Friends, therefore friendships, have always been a source of frustration for me.  I hold people at arm's length because of my insecurities and uncertainties.

Seven years ago, the Lord granted Jake and I with true, abiding friends.  During our first few months of marriage as we found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant and floundering, God mercifully gave us a couple to walk with. 

Our relationship became everything I had ever desired for one to be.  We were pregnant together, we worshipped together, we had dinners together, playdates at the park together, conversations about any and everything... We found ourself rejoicing together and mourning together.  We prayed, helped each other out financially when burdens hit, we struggled together.

And then sin entered... in an explosive way.
What had been good and right and lovely became painful and broken.

In the midst of my hurt and despair, she had her's.  In the midst of my marriage melting down, her's was in flames.

I held on for ridiculously far too long.  Bitterness, anger, self-righteousness and contention took hold.
So for a season, I lost everything.  In the midst of some very difficult days, I had absolutely no one.

The Lord was teaching me that He is enough.

Desperate times had me longing for someone, any one - a wrong number dialed, a salesperson at my door - to reach out.  During those times the Lord would draw me close and ask what exactly I thought someone else could give me.

In the opening of my hands to what I thought was so important, He filled my cup to overflowing.  He gave me a myriad of women, from all walks of life, that love me.

Women that ask how my heart is.
Women that know my struggles.
Women that pray with me and for me.
Women that send me messages of encouragement.
Women that give me wise council.
Women that point me to Jesus.
Women that sit at my kitchen table, drinking coffee, watching our kids play, comfortable in the silence.
Women that meet me for dinner.
Women that have walked with me through my heights of unbelief, rebellion, and pride.
Women that have walked with me through the depths of sickness, broken dreams, and confessed sin.
Women who bring me dinner because they know it's been a difficult week.
Women that will watch my boys to give me a break.
Women that don't say anything, just sit and listen.
Women that give a timely word in love.

I've realized that there will be pain - caused by me or someone else.  There are seasons and some relationships will be for longer periods than others.

But while in whatever relationship the Lord grants me with whoever He gives, I want their hope to be in the One that will never fail them, that will always be there.

John 15:15 I have called you friends for all that I heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you.