Rejecting the Gift

A moment of annoyance turned into an "aha" moment.

I'm pulling weeds in the front yard - speedily - trying to restore some form of order in our very hopeless flower bed.  Note the "very."

The boys are running amok, riding scooters, playing.

All of a sudden, I hear a scrape and then wailing. Easten had fallen off onto sidewalk, bloodying his toe.

I'm immediately frustrated.  I have piles of weeds heaped about, dirt caked on my hands and mud layered under my fingernails.  And now?  I have to put it aside and go attend my son when all I'm trying to do is nurture the unattended.

The Lord whispered. "You are a nurturer, first and foremost.  To him, this gift I gave you.  Why are shirking your responsibility?"

Why, indeed.

Because my desire in that moment wasn't being met.  My need was going unfulfilled.  I couldn't accomplish what I so badly wanted to do...  I had to go take care of someone else.

It's a bit revealing to write this out.

I didn't want to do my most important task - loving my child - because I was too busy loving myself.

Again, the Spirit brings the hidden into the light.

If my only job right now, in regards to my children, is to teach them, train them, disciple them and love them, why do I get so irritated when I'm called to do what I'm supposed to do?

Because I rule my heart.

Do you ever notice the desires you had ten, five, even one year ago?  Do you ever notice when they actually come to fruition?  Do you ever notice how you're so busy stewing about what you don't have, you don't see a dream has come true, a prayer has been answered, a hope has been realized?

Let's be honest.  How many of us girls dreamed about a wedding, holding a newborn, having these kinds of friends or this kind of career, or owning a house - only once we have it, we've actually obtained it, it becomes a source of frustration?

If only I could have a girls' night; if only I could afford a nanny; if only I was friends with that group of women; if only I had this kind of job with the paycheck; if only we didn't have to repair this yet again...

What the Lord has so graciously granted us, we throw back in His face.

"Despised and rejected by men..." (Isaiah 53:3).

Time and time again, we look to our circumstances and temporary to satisfy.  And it never will because it was never created to.

All these lovely and generous gifts are given us to bring about our worship in Him.

Yet if we're too busy worshiping ourselves and our desires, we'll never see the pure goodness of a God who deeply loves us.