Right now is a season of hard work...of my heart. It seems as if right now my sin is ever before me. Those hindrances, those battles, those struggles. Daily, they are revealed.
Reading through the first three chapters of Genesis, I keep coming back to Adam and Eve partaking in the one thing the LORD told them not to. Why did they choose to disobey?
Because they wanted to know.
Isn't that my bent... knowing?
Don't give me faith, give me sight.
If you'll just tell me what's coming in the next three months or three years, then I can work on helping you out and make sure everything is prepared and wrapped up in a pretty little bow.
I want to know our future. I want to know what's around the corner. I want to know, in those seasons of waiting, what we're waiting on. I want to know.
But then, who am I counting on? Who am I trusting in?
I'm acting independently of Him; I'm acting independently of the One who I'm in union with.
Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
who turns his heart away from the LORD.
Jeremiah 17:5
Similar to Rebekah seeking to make Jacob the heir because she didn't trust God to accomplish His will, so my faith is small.
If I just know, if I could just see what God is attempting to do, then I could assist Him.
My ways are good, right? I inflate my abilities to god-like. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God" (Genesis 3:5).
That's the core of it. I want to be like Him, calling the shots. All powerful and all knowing.
Just like with Adam and Eve, that desire is ultimately my downfall.
Over and over I ask Him to help my unbelief. My unbelief that He is a good God, that He is a personal God, deeply caring for me. And in that, I don't have to know because He all ready does.
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