More of "Enough"

My kids humble me. 

The Lord always uses them to drive home what the Spirit is leading me in.

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a wicked day in discontentment and dissatisfaction.  The story the boys wanted to keep reading?  Numbers 11, where the Israelites keep complaining that the manna isn't good enough and boy do they miss Egypt with all the sweet food they received.

Yet, they were forgetting what was in Egypt.
Whip-cracking, abuse, infanticide, slavery...

Proverbs 14:30 A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy rots the bones.

So easily, this verse is me.  When my mind is stayed on the Lord, I am satisfied, no matter my circumstances.  And in those times, He opens my eyes to the myriad of miracles He works on a daily basis.  I see that His word is true - that He loves me and delights in me, a Father longing to give me good gifts.

But when my coveting creeps in, my envy takes over, I start believing that what I have is not good enough and become weighted down and consumed by others and their circumstances.

I fall into the trap of believing the "if this, then this" lie.  If this would happen, THEN it would be ok.
If I can just have more of what I all ready have, THEN I will be satisfied.

When the Israelites grumbled and complained against God that ALL they had was manna, this bread that literally fell from the sky, and they were  sick and tired of having their daily bread, God said, "Fine, you're discontent, you're unhappy - I will give you over to the lusts of your heart in the form of food."

It wasn't that they needed the food.  It was that they couldn't look to God for their satisfaction and instead needed to fill that empty gnawing with something physically tangible.

What was achieved by the overabundance? 
Sickness, a plague and death.

The one thing they thought they had to have -- more of their "just enough" -- ends up physically killing them.

I had to sit back and ask the Lord where I was doing this.  Where have I become gluttonous and overindulged?  Where has the Lord perfectly provided, but because of my wandering, it all of a sudden becomes not enough?

My husband's job.
Our house.
Our financial situation.
On and on and on I find myself killing relationships and blessings because of my greed.

Over and over, my good desires become my ultimate.  I become willing to sacrfice the good God has all ready given because I've deemed it not good enough.

I realized that if I suddently had an overabundance of all that I'm lusting after, it certainly would not be the Lord's blessing on me.  My heart is not in the place to receive it.  I have to find my pleasure, my peace, my hope in the Lord before I can ever rightly enjoy those beautiful blessings He rains down.

Psalm 16:11 You make known to me the path of life;
                      in your presence there is fullness of joy;
                      at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.