Discontentment at it's Finest

From the things my hands have been pried from, I sure do go back to clenching my fists around those idols.

This past week had me wallowing in jealousy, covetousness, dissatisfaction and discontentment.

After a few long months of opportunities, the Lord closed the door and has told us to wait.  He has been good in blessing and confirming that desicion but in my flesh, I want what I want and I WANT IT NOW.

As wicked as this sounds, I fall into the American Dream nightmare of "Keeping Up With the Joneses."

I so desperately want to throw the Lord's will to the side and chase after my lustful heart's desires.  New job, bigger house, better vacation -- more and more stuff for rust and moth to destroy and more filling of my coffers.

I see it and I feel it.  It creeps over me, burdening me, suffocationg every ounce of grace-breathed blessing I have in Him.

I have to keep my mind on Him.  I have to remind myself this does not last forever, that the race I am running is not for the faint of heart but is for my crown of glory.  The now and not yet.

Yet in this now moment, I'm craving the destructiveness of building into my kingdom because if I can have it, everything else will fall into place...

Right?

My circumstances do not dictate my heart, my heart dictates my circumstances.  So I ask the Lord to give my very weak heart the courage to have patience.

Because, in the end, when has waiting on the Lord ever been foolish?  Instead, I could go on for days the very many times I took center stage and walked in my faulty control.

And yet, because I love Him and have been called according to His purposes He works everything for the good of me.  Even my faults, even my abundant failures.  All because of His steadfast love and mercy.  And in the end, I want whatever gets me more of Him.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you..."